Did You Know?

Domestic violence, sometimes called intimate partner violence, can happen to anyone. Domestic violence is “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavioras part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.” 

Domestic violence can happen in any relationship. It can also differ in each relationship with how frequent abuse happens and how severe it may be. The one constant across all domestic violence is that one partner is trying to maintain power and control over the other person. 

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/learn-more-about-abuse/

Domestic violence does include physical abuse, like kicking, shoving, punching, but it's not the only type of abuse. Domestic violence includes other forms of abuse that include: 

• Emotional Abuse: consistent patterns of behavior are used to manipulate, control, or degrade the victim's emotions, often with the goal to manipulate and undermine your sense of self-worth and self-esteem (examples: constant criticism; humiliation)  

• Psychological/Mental Abuse: intentional actions taken to manipulate your thoughts, beliefs, and sense of reality and make you doubt your own sanity, memory, or judgment (examples: gaslighting; manipulation) 

• Verbal Abuse: use of spoken words, written words, and gestures towards you with the intention to intimidate and/or threaten you (examples: insults; threats)

• Digital Abuse: use of technologies and/or social media to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner (examples: demanding passwords; non-consensual sexting; following your location without permission)

• Financial Abuse: when your partner controls your finances or your ability to provide for yourself without them (examples: they try to/get your benefits cut off when mad at you; they run up debt in your name)

Multiple forms of abuse can happen at one time or in one relationship. And it can be other forms of abuse beyond what is listed above. 

Sexual assault includes any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without your consent. Sexual assault can include, rape and attempted rape; forcing someone to perform sexual acts like oral sex; or unwanted sexual touching. Sexual assault doesn’t always have to involve physical force. It can also be emotional coercion, psychological force, threats or manipulation. Sexual assault can happen by a stranger or an intimate partner.

https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. When you’re engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication—and it should happen every time. Specifics can vary by each state, including the age of consent. 

Not every relationship is abusive, but if you feel your partner is controlling, intimidating, or threatened it is possible you may be experiencing an abusive relationship. Some potential red flags are:

• Checking your emails, social media, and/or cell phone without permission

• Repeatedly pressuring someone to have sex

• Has a bad temper

• Has mood swings, especially with you but maybe not with others

• Wants to move too quickly into the relationship.

• Wants you all to him/herself; insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family

• Wants to control your actions including what you do for hobbies, school, or your job - they may ask you to quit these things 

• Does not honor your boundaries

• Is extremely jealous or insecure 

• Wants to know where you are all of the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.

• Criticizes or puts you down often

• Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others

• Has a history of abusing others

• Takes your money or runs up your credit card debt

Being repeatedly watched, followed, monitored or harassed. Stalking can occur online or in person, and may or may not include giving unwanted gifts

• Over 1 in 3 women in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

• Every 68 seconds another American is sexually assaulted.

• 1 out of every 6 women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime

• 8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the survivor.

• 1 in 6 women in the US have been a victim of stalking at some point during their lifetime in which they felt fearful or believed that they (or someone close to them) would be harmed or killed.

• 1 in 4 women aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

• Almost half of all women (48.4%) in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime

• Approximately 1 in 5 women who experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.

1. Check our social media accounts: @thesafesisterscircle (Instagram); The Safe Sisters Circle (Facebook); @thesafesisters (X/Twitter) 

2. DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence: https://www.dccadv.org/

3. DC Rape Crisis Center: https://www.dcrcc.org/

4. National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/

5. National Network to End Domestic Violence: https://nnedv.org/

6. Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: https://rainn.org/about-rainn

It is never easy to see someone you love being hurt and you may be unsure of what to do next, here are some ideas of how you can help:

• Encourage them to participate in activities outside of their relationship with friends and family and be there with them

• Remember that you cannot “rescue them,” and that their decisions about their lives are their own to make

• Understand that not every survivor will leave right away or at all, find ways to support their safety if they stay

• Support the survivor if they end the relationship and are lonely, upset, or return to their abusive partner

• Help them create a safety plan

• Keep safe any important documents or a “to-go bag” in case of an emergency 

• Don’t post information about them on social media that could be used to identify them or where they are

• Provide moral support if they decide to seek support services or have an ongoing case, show them you’re in their corner

• Encourage them to talk to people who can provide further help and guidance, like us at The Safe Sisters Circle

• If they give you permission, help document instances of domestic violence in their life, including pictures of injuries, exact transcripts of interactions, and notes on a calendar of dates that incidents of abuse occur

• Check in with the survivor, just ask if they are okay

• Don’t judge the survivor’s decisions, criticize them, or guilt them over a choice they make in the relationship 

• Don’t speak poorly of the abusive partner

• Don’t force them to call the police or file a police report if they are not personally comfortable with involving them 

• Don’t blame the survivor for anything they endured or question why they were “in that situation”

• Don’t try to force or strong arm the survivor to leave, this like the abuse, takes away the survivor’s autonomy

1. Check our social media accounts: @thesafesisterscircle (Instagram); The Safe Sisters Circle (Facebook); @thesafesisters (X/Twitter) 

2. DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence: https://www.dccadv.org/domestic-violence-101/

3. National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/support-others/

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network:https://rainn.org/TALK

First and foremost make sure you get yourself to safety - whether that is leaving, calling the police, or finding a safe place within your home away from the abuser.

To get immediate support, outside of TSSC’s hours (9 AM - 5 PM), please look at contacting the following local and national crisis lines: 

• DC Rape Crisis Center: (202) 333-7273

• DC SAFE: 1 (844) 443-5732

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 799-7233

• Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: 1 (800) 656-4673

We are happy to help create a safety plan with you, but you can also do one on your own here.

If you have a friend or family member who’s home is a safe location, you can always ask them. But not everyone is able to or comfortable with doing that, in DC here are some shelters that may be able to help with emergency stays: 

• DC Shelter Line: (800) 535-7252

• House of Ruth: (202) 667-7001

• My Sister’s Place: (202) 540-1064

• Calvary Women’s Shelter: (202) 678-2341

If you need to, call 911 for emergency medical care or walk into to your local emergency department. If you don’t need emergency medical care, try to take pictures of injuries and schedule an appointment with your primary doctor or a walk in urgent care.

The DC Forensic Nurse Examiners can provide free, medical forensic exams to those who have experienced sexual assault and domestic violence. They are available 24/7. 

It is your choice whether to file a police report or not. If you choose to you can contact your local District office or the Domestic Violence Unit at MPD at (202) 727-7137.